By your side
by Enchantable
Summary: Post episode 20, Allelujah and Soma react to Lyle's grief in two very different ways.


**Okay so I've been a Gundam fan for a bit but I hadn't really gotten into the latest incarnation of the series for a while. But I just started watching Gundam 00. This takes place after Episode 20.**

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Outside the room, Allelujah listened to Lyle's grief, unable to bring himself to enter.

Unable to listen anymore Allelujah left. It was all he could do to hold it together. He wanted to scream and sob and hit someone really _really_ hard. He had for the past four months. Ever since they had witnessed the death of the Colonel and Marie had decided she was Soma Peris once again. Soma who had tried to kill him. Soma who was _not_ Marie Parfacy. Soma was a warrior, a cold blooded killer. Now she was obsessed with revenge. Allelujah knew she was a more than capable pilot, she could kill Andrei and have her revenge, but he knew just as well that Soma was filled with grief and that made the notion that she was going to fight for revenge a hard one for him to think about. What if she made a mistake or what if he could not protect her? What if in her quest for revenge, Soma Peiris got Marie Parfacy killed?

Setsuna made a hard choice, though it had not really been a choice at all. He made the _only_ choice. Even if Lyle had dragged Anew back to the ship she would have been a time bomb, a bomb that would go off. They had been lucky this time. They had stopped her and prevented any further causalities. Setsuna had done the thing they all knew had to happen. Allelujah thought that somewhere deep down even Lyle knew that Anew had to die. But Lyle was a mess. Though he had started out punching Setsuna now he was clinging to him like Setusna was a lifeline. Just as he had when Lyle punched him, Setsuna continued to stand there looking strait ahead. He seemed to have realized that there was nothing in the world he could say to Lyle that would do any good. He had made the right choice in killing Anew but in doing that he had taken the life of someone his friend loved. If war taught one thing it was how little love there was in the world, how it needed to be protected and Setsuna had just blown it up.

Against his will, Allelujah found that he was finding it harder and harder to distinguish between Marie and Soma. Even if she did not allow herself to be called Marie, Soma knew everything Marie did. She knew who he was and even though she refused to be near him, she knew the what the two of them had shared. But it was impossible to avoid each other in such a small space. They ate together, they fought together, they trained together, their lives seemed to be more and more entwined. In the beginning it was torture. He constantly head to be with this person, this Soma Peiris, someone who knew everything Marie was, who was Marie, but at the same time was someone else entirely. It was so frustrating he half wished that Hallelujah would come back so he could show her just how wildly unpleasant it was to be in the company of someone with two personalities--especially when you were in love with one of them.

"He did the right thing."

Allelujah turned his head to see Soma walking alongside him. Her eyes were just as cold as always, her words were just as logical. He knew that she was right and for a moment he wished that he could be as unfeeling as she was pretending to be. He could only hope that she would be this cold when she finally got her battle, though he knew it was wistful thinking. She would be just as tortured and grief-stricken as Lyle when she finally faced the man who had killed her beloved Colonel.

"There was no right thing," Allelujah said, "he had no choice."

Soma narrowed her eyes at the tone of Allelujah's voice before quickly dismissing any feelings concerning the matter. There was too much to do. Lyle was grief stricken but they had yet to see the ramifications of that grief. Would he even be able to to function as a pilot anymore? It was very stupid of him to care so much about someone who was their enemy. She had fooled them all, she had taken hostages and she would have killed him but still he was in that room sobbing. Weren't these Gundam Pilots supposed to be the best? The emotional attachment they felt was just pathetic, worse, it was a liability. If she were in a battle with Allelujah she would---

She would--

Soma's feet stopped. She was Soma but she was Marie as well. She remembered that cold room, screaming out for someone, for _anyone_ to hear her. Allelujah heard her, he came for her. They had fought not knowing who the other was. Now that she knew who he was, if they met on the battlefield, she knew with certainty that she would be like Lyle. She would be unable to kill him. Soma's fists tightened. The weakness, it was disgusting. If killing him would save everyone, if killing him would end the war and bring back the Colonel--she would _still_ be unable to do it.

"Soma! Soma!"

She looked up at the call of her name. Allelujah was in front of her, worry shining in his mismatched eyes.

She would not be able to kill him.

With a sharp inhale Soma brushed past him, unable to speak. Allelujah watched her walk down the hallway with worry churning inside him. She had stopped dead in her tracks, looking like she was facing some sort of internal struggle. When he had asked if she was alright she had just stormed past him. He had even remembered to call her Soma instead of Marie. Lyle had advised that he give her space and time to deal with what had happened but that _look_ in her eyes, she had seemed so confused and jarred that he did not know if he could listen to his friend's advice. What if it was her on the battlefield next time instead of Anew? What if she was the one he had to fight against? He would not be bale to kill her but if she died with things like this, he did not know if he would be able to survive that.

"Soma!" he called her name. She just walked faster, "Soma--wait!" his fingers grabbed her arm.

"Don't touch me!" the harsh command came as she wretched her arms free but her voice sounded unusually thick.

Allelujah stared.

"Soma what's wrong?" he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

"Nothing," she said, her voice still unusually thick.

He could hear her unspoken plea for him to leave her alone. It hurt to step away but he was getting more and more used to pain when it came to dealing with her. His hands balled into fists as he stepped back, just to let her know he had heard her request. Soma kept her back to him as she walked down the hallway. She did not speed up but he could feel the desperation on her part to put as much distance between him and her as she could.

She felt relief fill her. He was letting her go, he did not have to see the weakness plastered all over her face. But somewhere deep inside she felt disappointment creep through her. Allelujah had never just let her walk away before. She had pushed him away--hell she had shot at him to before but he had always been determined to come back. But now he was just letting her go and for a reason that she did not want to think about, she felt saddened by that. This was good, she told herself. She would not meet Allelujah on the battlefield. No-one had to know that if it came down to it she would be unable to kill him. The more distance they put between themselves, the better it would be.

just as long as she did not hear Lyle's tortured sobs.

The tightness in her throat was harder, the stinging in her eyes was back. She focused on the fact that she had almost killed Allelujah, that she had killed Hallelujah. It usually worked when these feelings came up. She had done it once, she could do it again. She was Soma Peirism she was a Super Solider. She could not deny that she was Marie Parfacy but she could be sure that as Soma she was stronger. Marie was weak. Soma was strong enough to avenge the Colonel. The Colonel who had let her go to be happy with Allelujah. Soma walked faster. She had to get to her room. If she was going to show this weakness, if she was going to cry then she was _not_ going to do it with him watching her.

Allelujah watched her walk faster. He _heard_ her breath catch down the hallway. Soma, Marie--they were the same woman now and that woman was hurt. She did not deal with well with her emotions, her reversion back to Soma had shown that clear enough. His foot moved forward before he had consciously made the choice to go after her. He was running after her and somehow he caught her, spinning her around and pulling her against his chest. It was a low move on his part. She was a Super Solider but he was the bigger of the two of them. He felt her stiffen and a part of him expected her to beat him for hugging her.

He did not expect her to cling to him.

Soma didn't know what she was doing and for the first time in a very long time she did not care. She heard him running and the next moment she found herself in his embrace. Maybe it was the knowledge that she would not be able to kill him or the fact that even though revenge was her only care, she did love him but she did not pull away. She was Soma and she was Marie and she did love Allelujah Haptism. His arms were tight around her as his familiar scent washed over her. Through the fabric of his flight suite she could feel the warmth of his skin. She did not have time to feel ashamed as the tears she was barely holding back finally broke free.

Allelujah felt her fingers dig into the fabric of his snug flight suite. He knew he would have bruises but he did not care. Soma fit as perfectly into his arms as Marie had. For the first time in four months she cried for the Colonel. Allelujah held her tightly against his chest, Somewhere behind him Lyle continued to sob as the rest of the crew tried to figure out how to go on from the latest blow. But in the hallway with Soma pressed tightly to his chest, Allelujah did not know what to feel. He had always considered Soma differently than he had Marie, he had thought of her as another obstacle between him and Marie. But holding her like this as she sobbed against him, he did not think of her that way.

Neither of them said anything as she wept against his chest. He did not want to say the wrong thing and have her pull away again. She would do leave his embrace eventually but he did not want to do anything to make her do it sooner. Finally though her sobs quieted and she pulled back from him. He did not hold her tightly, he let her step away. Soma lowered her eyes, wiping at her cheeks even though she knew her eyes would carry the signs of crying for a while. Without a word she turned around and walked down the hallway. Alellujah watched her walk away. This time he did not go after her, he let her walk down the hallway. He knew she would be alright. For the first time in almost four months, he slept through the night.

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Lyle's absence at breakfast was felt by all.

It was one of those odd times when almost all of them managed to be in eating at the same time. Breakfast might have been the wrong word considering there was no real morning in space. The clocks told them of course what time it was but there was a difference between a few numbers saying it was morning and seeing the sun in the sky. Allelujah was sitting with his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, his eyes focused on the dark liquid instead of on Setsuna's bruises.

He looked up out of habit when Soma walked into the room before averting his eyes back to the coffee. He did not know how things stood between them. Her eyes were free of any signs of crying, it seemed as though the night before when she had cried had not happened. Maybe it had not, it could have easily been a dream. He took a drink of the hot liquid, painfully aware that she was just visible out of the corner of his eye. He refused to look at her fully. Every morning since she had declared herself Soma on the rare occasions when they were eating at the same time she would sit somewhere else and not look at him. It was a sharp contrast to Marie who would sit close enough so that their outer thighs were touching, not that it was really possible to sit with others and not have their knees touching. The tables were small like that.

Soma moved from his field of vision. Allelujah closed his eyes, wondering if it was relief or disappointment that went through him.

The plate of food that was set in front of him was entirely unexpected.

Allelujah's eyes flew open as he looked at the plate of food. Across from him Soma sat down with her own plate of food. Allelujah looked at the food and then at the woman who was sitting across from him, feeling like he had missed something. Soma began to eat, completely seemingly unaffected by the fact that he was gaping at her like a fish out of water. Finally though it seemed that she could ignore the stare no longer.

"Your reflexes will suffer if you don't eat," she said, trying to fight the warmth in her cheeks.

"I--" Allelujah looked at the food and then at the woman. A very small part of him felt outraged that she was actually questioning his abilities but his surprise that she was not ignoring him outweighed it. He wasn't exactly sure what she was doing but he decided to go with it, at least for now, "thank you," he said finally beginning to eat.

Soma gave a curt nod of acknowledgment before going back to eating.

Under the table their knees remained touching.


End file.
